Negative or positive

My AF is late once again. Late for a week. I want to believe that I’m pregnant but i’ll be just lying to myself. I still remember vividly how it was like when i was pregnant in 2009. At that time, I just knew that i was pregnant.

No, i did not have the morning sickness but my teks were very sore & i just knew that i was pregnant. I felt what it was like to really crave for a food. Probably that crave was a hint from my baby that he/she is undergoing a tough time in my belly. The food that i craved was my mum’s green bean soup. I just found out recently that eating the soup will help to thicken my uterus lining. But then again, my baby wasn’t even in my uterus lining. My baby swam up to my right fallopian tube instead! So like the mummy, suka merayap!

I remembered being sick when i was pregnant. Was coughing heavily! & i was working in the night shift also. My cough was very bad & my ex colleagues were complaining that i was coughing so loud that they were unable to sleep. I was drowning myself with cough syrup, not knowing that i was pregnant. I only took the pregnancy test after that. Did not straight away go to the gynae to confirm my pregnancy as i was only a few days late & i read that the best time to go see a gynae is when you are 4-6 weeks pregnant. Hence, i only went to see the doc on my 4th week.

First time at the gynae, took my urine test & also blood test. Both confirmed that i was pregnant. Doctor Lim proceed with the ultrasound scan. He couldn’t see any peanut so he did a vaginal scan. Both scan he was unable to detect the peanut. Dr Lim prepared me that I could be having an ectopic pregnancy but he tried to console me by saying that maybe its still too early to be seen. I’m glad though that Dr Lim was frank with me & told me what to expect should it be true.

After that, every night i talked to my baby & persuaded him/her to make an appearance during the next scan. My cough was not gone yet too. But God knows the best. 1 week after the scan, I noticed stains on my panty liners. When i googled, most say that it was a normal thing. so I did not panic. I felt a terrible cramp soon after. I couldn’t wait any longer and as advised by Dr Lim, i visited him the next day.

Again he did a vaginal scan on me & again he could not see peanut. By then i could see that he was worried. He told me to go for a thorough scan in Thomson Medical Centre immediately. He also told me not to eat in case i need to do an emergency operation. Called my husband who was at worked & I waited for him before we go Thomson. Was asked to empty my bladder when I reached there but apparently one toilet trip was not enough to empty it. Hahaha! So again i went to the toilet. The sonographer was reluctant to tell me what she did/did not see. She told me to go back to my gynae straight with the report.

Dr Lim’s guess was correct. I did have an ectopic pregnancy. He said that i have to have an operation immediately to remove it. He gave me a few hospital options that i could go to. Decided on Mt Alvernia & he told us to go there straight. Even told us to not go home to pack. To just head there. Both my husband & I were still in shocked but we defy the doctor’s order & went home to pack. LOL. Told my parents about it cuz they were home. Took the cab down. Soon as i reached there, I was received at the lobby. Thats the difference between a govt hospital & a private one. DH settled the payment & all & i was wheeled to my ward. Was told to change but stubborn me did not remove my bra as told! haha! in the end i had to pass my bra to a male nurse in the operation theatre! So paiseh. It doesnt help that the male nurse is a trainee nurse & a malay too! what are the odds man!

While i was being wheeled to the operating theater, sempat dalam otak kepala fikir pasal drama² on the tvs. How surreal everything was! Of course DH has to wait outside the theater. The operating theater was very bright & cold! Everyone was talking to me asking my name, IC number. & i could hear clearly by heart beat. It was loud & fast! Super fast!! Soon after, the anesthesiologist came, introduce herself & bla bla bla i was gone!

While i was gone, i went into dreamland. In that dream, i was going round & round & round like i was circling the orbit. The memory is still vivid in my mind. As i was going round, at this one point, i’ll always feel a sharp pain. its like after one round, reach the starting/end point of the circle, feel pain then go around again & cycle repeats. Now when i think about it again, probably the pain that i was feeling, is the pain from the jahitan of my belly after the operation!

After what seems like forever, the nurse woke me up from my deep slumber. & they wheeled me back to my ward. We chose a 4 bedder but was given the 2 bedder ward. I was still feeling groggy from the anesthetic but I noticed that MY COUGH WAS GONE!!!! OMG! Silver lining seh the operation! LOL!

DH informed me afterwards that Dr Lim actually came out of the theater to show him the fallopian tube which he removed. He was kinda proud that he diagnosed me correctly. Chet! Nasib baik laki aku tak pengsan tengok itu bloody fallopian tube. But on a plus point, he managed to have a peek on our benih yang belum menjadi.

Yup! So that was what happened in 2009. The story will always be fresh in my memory. Fast forward, now is the beginning of 2015. Will monitor my AF for Jan & Feb before we embark on the next journey! But then again, hopefully my AF will not come & I have a BFP!!! Amiiiiin!!!!!!!

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