Negative or positive

My AF is late once again. Late for a week. I want to believe that I’m pregnant but i’ll be just lying to myself. I still remember vividly how it was like when i was pregnant in 2009. At that time, I just knew that i was pregnant.

No, i did not have the morning sickness but my teks were very sore & i just knew that i was pregnant. I felt what it was like to really crave for a food. Probably that crave was a hint from my baby that he/she is undergoing a tough time in my belly. The food that i craved was my mum’s green bean soup. I just found out recently that eating the soup will help to thicken my uterus lining. But then again, my baby wasn’t even in my uterus lining. My baby swam up to my right fallopian tube instead! So like the mummy, suka merayap!

I remembered being sick when i was pregnant. Was coughing heavily! & i was working in the night shift also. My cough was very bad & my ex colleagues were complaining that i was coughing so loud that they were unable to sleep. I was drowning myself with cough syrup, not knowing that i was pregnant. I only took the pregnancy test after that. Did not straight away go to the gynae to confirm my pregnancy as i was only a few days late & i read that the best time to go see a gynae is when you are 4-6 weeks pregnant. Hence, i only went to see the doc on my 4th week.

First time at the gynae, took my urine test & also blood test. Both confirmed that i was pregnant. Doctor Lim proceed with the ultrasound scan. He couldn’t see any peanut so he did a vaginal scan. Both scan he was unable to detect the peanut. Dr Lim prepared me that I could be having an ectopic pregnancy but he tried to console me by saying that maybe its still too early to be seen. I’m glad though that Dr Lim was frank with me & told me what to expect should it be true.

After that, every night i talked to my baby & persuaded him/her to make an appearance during the next scan. My cough was not gone yet too. But God knows the best. 1 week after the scan, I noticed stains on my panty liners. When i googled, most say that it was a normal thing. so I did not panic. I felt a terrible cramp soon after. I couldn’t wait any longer and as advised by Dr Lim, i visited him the next day.

Again he did a vaginal scan on me & again he could not see peanut. By then i could see that he was worried. He told me to go for a thorough scan in Thomson Medical Centre immediately. He also told me not to eat in case i need to do an emergency operation. Called my husband who was at worked & I waited for him before we go Thomson. Was asked to empty my bladder when I reached there but apparently one toilet trip was not enough to empty it. Hahaha! So again i went to the toilet. The sonographer was reluctant to tell me what she did/did not see. She told me to go back to my gynae straight with the report.

Dr Lim’s guess was correct. I did have an ectopic pregnancy. He said that i have to have an operation immediately to remove it. He gave me a few hospital options that i could go to. Decided on Mt Alvernia & he told us to go there straight. Even told us to not go home to pack. To just head there. Both my husband & I were still in shocked but we defy the doctor’s order & went home to pack. LOL. Told my parents about it cuz they were home. Took the cab down. Soon as i reached there, I was received at the lobby. Thats the difference between a govt hospital & a private one. DH settled the payment & all & i was wheeled to my ward. Was told to change but stubborn me did not remove my bra as told! haha! in the end i had to pass my bra to a male nurse in the operation theatre! So paiseh. It doesnt help that the male nurse is a trainee nurse & a malay too! what are the odds man!

While i was being wheeled to the operating theater, sempat dalam otak kepala fikir pasal drama² on the tvs. How surreal everything was! Of course DH has to wait outside the theater. The operating theater was very bright & cold! Everyone was talking to me asking my name, IC number. & i could hear clearly by heart beat. It was loud & fast! Super fast!! Soon after, the anesthesiologist came, introduce herself & bla bla bla i was gone!

While i was gone, i went into dreamland. In that dream, i was going round & round & round like i was circling the orbit. The memory is still vivid in my mind. As i was going round, at this one point, i’ll always feel a sharp pain. its like after one round, reach the starting/end point of the circle, feel pain then go around again & cycle repeats. Now when i think about it again, probably the pain that i was feeling, is the pain from the jahitan of my belly after the operation!

After what seems like forever, the nurse woke me up from my deep slumber. & they wheeled me back to my ward. We chose a 4 bedder but was given the 2 bedder ward. I was still feeling groggy from the anesthetic but I noticed that MY COUGH WAS GONE!!!! OMG! Silver lining seh the operation! LOL!

DH informed me afterwards that Dr Lim actually came out of the theater to show him the fallopian tube which he removed. He was kinda proud that he diagnosed me correctly. Chet! Nasib baik laki aku tak pengsan tengok itu bloody fallopian tube. But on a plus point, he managed to have a peek on our benih yang belum menjadi.

Yup! So that was what happened in 2009. The story will always be fresh in my memory. Fast forward, now is the beginning of 2015. Will monitor my AF for Jan & Feb before we embark on the next journey! But then again, hopefully my AF will not come & I have a BFP!!! Amiiiiin!!!!!!!

The start of all

Journey taken for pregnancy

Mon, 24th nov 2014
Meet with Dr Clara Ong consultant was prof chew. prescribed me with norethisterone for 3 weeks. This pill is to stop my menses from coming. Started to take 2 pills in the evening. Was still having spotting but stopped the next day probably due to the medication.

Sat, 29th nov 2014
Semen analysis sent to NUH @ 8am. TH did from home at about 7.30am

Fri, 12th dec 2014
Decided to stop taking norethisterone in the evening (last 2 pills taken in the evening). Still has 12pills left (good for 3 days). Reason stopped is doc informed menses will come ~3days after stop medication. I have to do blood test on the 2nd heavy day. If 2nd day comes during wkend, have to wait for next cycle. Therefore decided to stop medication on fri so that menses will come during wkdays (fingers crossed).

Sun, 14th Dec 2014
Spotting in the afternoon (pinkish blood).
Heavy menses in the evening onwards. To call NUH Monday morning to make appointment for blood test.

Mon, 15th Dec 2014
Heavy menses till cramp so bad. Went to clinic G to have my blood test. Just walked in, pay $$ then take the blood. Within half hour out of the hospital.
Took ponston cuz cramp was bad.

Mon, 5th Jan 2015
Appt at clinic G at 10:05am. Reached at 9.30am. Name was called out at 10.30am. Same dr Clara but this time round the consultant was dr arun.
Tests was all ok for the wifey. Only difference is didn’t do the HSG tests as dr said no point since we’ve decided on IVF.
Husband’s test were more positive this time round. More sperm count than before 4% but still below the avg.
husband went for HIV blood test while wife went for hormone blood test.

Both got to take blood today

Both got to take blood today

dr schedule for a glucose test for the wife. Initially doc suggested husband to go for another round of sperm test but after consulting  with dr arun, cancelled it since we have opted to go for ivf.  Meanwhile, I’ll need to go for OGTT test to check for diabetes.
The nurse called CHR to get us started on IVF. We had to go thru “consoling” before we embarked on this journey. Told them we were only ready after April due to our Japan trip. The counseling was basically telling us what to expect/do during the journey. Nurse Karen from CHR who “consoled” us set an appt for us to meet with prof chew who will give us the green light for IVF.
Meanwhile dr carol prescribed the husband with vitamins to build up his soldiers.
**update: my right arm was badly bruise due to the blood test!!

BRUISED!!!!

BRUISED!!!!

12th Jan 2015
Went for the OGTT. I had to fast from midnight onwards. TH took the day off to accompany me. We took a cab down. One of the scariest experience in a cab! The driver missed the NUH exit & when we told him that, instead of just using the next exit, he stopped in the middle of the expressway!! I think he wanted to reverse his car!!  Thank god there were no cars behind us!! It being the peak hour & all!! I had to shout at the driver to keep moving. Can’t stop thanking God for watching over the hubster & me.
Reached the clinic at 8.15am & register. Never been to clinic G at this hour. It was soo peaceful! Haha. A staff nurse took my blood at 8.30am. She gave me a cold glucose (orange flavor) to drink after taking my blood sample. She said it’ll help me better if I drank a cold one. Told me not to vomit out else I’ll need to retake the blood test again. The drink was sweet but my taste bud could drink it, no problem.
We went to bk for the hubster to have breakfast while waiting for the next blood test at 1030am.
Went back to clinic G to give them my blood sample. The nurse saw my armed bruise & asked me what happen. Haha!The nurse gave me a time chit until 11am. Wohoo~~~ I would receive a call from them 2~3 days if my test is positive.

No bruise this time. But looks like some blood has clot.

No bruise this time. But looks like some blood has clot.

15th Jan 2015
Busy busy busy day today!! Was dragged to a meeting for Anis’ business trip. Received a call from NUH while in the meeting. I was like oh no!! I’m diabetic??? The nurse was trying to inform me about my test results but as I was in a meeting & I don’t want the news to affect my work (like real!!) I told the nurse to call me in half hr. But she managed to inform me that my before glucose was ok. It’s the after the sweet drink that’s not ok. Haiz.
Half an hour later, the nurse called again but I couldn’t pick up the call. Told DH to call back on my behalf instead. hahah!
Stayed until 6pm today was really really busy. So DH only managed to update me after work. He said I was borderline diabetic. Darn!! clinic G (dr Clara ong) gave me a referral letter to the polyclinic. Will need to collect the letter when I see prof Wong on the 20th jan!

20th jan 2015

Appointment with Prof Wong was at 9am. We reached NUH at 8.15. Went to Clinic G to collect my referral letter & off to breakfast.
Our first time at Emerald clinic (private women clinic). Reaction was like wow! So much different from Clinic G. Looks more expensive. LOL! Talked to prof Wong for about 5mins & that’s it. He agreed that we Shd go for IVF as I only have one tube & DH’s sperm count & morphology is low. But as I have slight diabetes, he too wants me to go to the polyclinic Asap. Since we requested to start IVF in April after the Japan trip, I’ll still have time to bring down my glucose level. He referred me back to the CHR clinic for all the paperwork to be done.
Went up, nurse jilian again explain to us about ivf & what to expect & the costs. Initially wanted to start with the tablet (norestherone) in March so that when we come back from Japan can start with the jabs.  But because my menses is not here yet for jan (almost a week late), she can’t judge or calculate when I shd start on the tablet exactly. So I’m to monitor my menses these 2 mths & to update her accordingly. Sigh.. What’s wrong with my menses now? Am I pregnant or my menses just don’t want to show up? So irritating!
March 6 (2pm) I’ll have to come to CHR again to do all the paperworks needed to be done for the IVF.
Feb 28 to attend a talk by the head of the IVF in NUH.

A brief update

Wow! My last update to this blog was 3 years ago! It goes to show how rajin I am in blogging. Will try to be more proactive this time round then!

A lot has happened in the 3 years. No baby dusts though. Still ttc after all these years. Frustrating much you know! But if this is God’s will, we got to accept it with an open heart.

Firstly, DH & I have changed our job. DH changed his twice in fact ( a transfer is still considered as changing job right? LOL) It is by chance that both of us are working under the same company again. Amazing isn’t it?? & with the transfer, we are now working under the same roof AGAIN!! LOL! Its funny who nature works but i guess the fate for us to be working together is very strong! But of course we are in a different department.

Ok back to topic. Initially we thought, after changing to a better working environment with less stress for the both of us, it’ll be easier for us to have a baby! Sadly, that’s just our fantasy. Therefore, both of us decided to start all over again. But this time round, we decided to change to another hospital, NUH. Reason being we have a few friends doing their IVF there & alhamdullilah, all are a success with one already popped the oven, & another soon.